My dear bloggie which I have abandoned for over 1 year...

It's 2013.
My last post was in 2011.
2012, what was I doing?
Time flies so fast. I'm actually turning 25 this April!
And reading back my previous posts, I was actually nervous turning 21 and that I would figure out what my life would be like around 25. And here I am, a 24+ year old Nana.

I actually finished med school. And that was 5 years of my life.
So many things had happened to me, especially these past few months.
It's weird, cos I don't feel like sharing with my bloggie anymore. I just keep it inside my heart.
Maybe because hmmm... I don't know, i think the nana back then has learned a lot more things in life.
And that she has to be stronger, wiser and hmmm... more matured?
I always don't really understand how maturity is defined =p hehe...

And I'm not sure if gorilla and monkey's story will have a 'happily ever after' ending.
=(

I try. I do try. I really do try to make it work. =(

'After all, what is lurve without loss and sacrifice. And what is life without hardships?'
=) hee... I have a guardian angel who I always seek for advice at my weakest points in my life. I don't know what I've done to deserve such care =) hee... My precious guardian angel!

So, my current plan is to decide on the next plan. Hehe.., And everything happens for a reason. The best thing I can do now is to have faith in Him that He will relieve me from all these hardships , with a very important lesson to learn from. He knows everything and not even a single leaf that falls that He doesn't know. I just need to keep improving myself and be a better Nana each day. I truly hope so.
However, I still have hope for the 'Gorilla & Monkey' happy ending. But maybe a bit more time will make things clearer on the right thing to do. I really want all decisions made will bring me closer to Him... Nananana is confused. but Nananana always thinks He watches and tests Nananana because He loves Nananana. Be thankful, nana. Be thankful =)

Owh dear heart, why do u have to be so fragile?

Some words are just too hurtful until i can feel my heart is being cut into pieces.

I didn't know those words are so strong.

Maybe I just don't expect that coming from a person whom I think I know enough.

Therefore I shall protect my heart much harder.

Dear heart, sorry for making you cry.

Dreams. For now... =)

Tonight is the night I blog without feeling sad. This rarely happens and I am grateful today I'm happy =)

I may have my ups and downs and at times I just feel like giving up, but I don't. Yay! =D

It's not easy to give up, u know =D You'll realise the love u have for ur dreams are much more precious and should not be shattered just because u feel... -weak-.

I would not want myself to fall just because I don't do enough, and try hard enough.

Nope, i do not want to.

And most of the time, at the weakest point in my life, I will still do what I'm supposed to do. Even though not really satisfactory =p and then tawakkal.

And most of the times, it turns out to be ok =) Alhamdulillah.

I lurve dunya, and what it has to offer... but I would remind myself that dunya is temporary.

We are being tested. We are given hardships. Everyday =)

And with that, I hope my iman would also be strengthened.

One of the best things I've done in life was to start wearing hijab, 2 years ago =)

And since then, I've had moments when I felt really strong, and also really weak.

It is when I seek for Him, I become stronger... And when I let the dunya to take over, that's the time when I feel weak.

I feel like my writing is all over the place tonite =p I just hope i would understand what I'm writing now, when i read it again in the future.

I'm a human, u know.

I need reminders.

=)

i like his writings =) : http://www.yussamir.com/2010/02/marilah-kita-bermimpi.html

So, dream people!! And dream big!! =D

=(

That's it!!

Nak nangesss!! ;(

I just realized the heart is dangerous. Sometimes i don't know why the heart has to be so confusing at times. It's a mystery that I can never tell. Not now. I hope will realize what I should realize before it is too late.

Maybe u know me. Or maybe u don't know me at all.

i miss me ;(

i feel so dumb nowadays =( i think i have transient blurness where i really am being so blur!!

eg: i accidentally registered in my brain there are 24 months in a year. Thus resulting me presenting my patient's case during bedside as 'my patient is 1 year and 23 months'. Errrr... like, OMG! i think others who heard would so reasonably think, 'WTH?' ;(

makes me wanna cry even more. i don't know what's wrong with me =( whuaaa... maybe at first it sounds funny. but after some time i'm actually worried =(

Seriously, i have never questioned myself 'why do i want to become a doctor' before. But lately this question suddenly popped into my head. And it's weird because being a doctor is the only ambition i have since i was little. Even when i applied for scholarship i only put 1 option although i could have listed a lot of other courses. And i have always wanted to become a doc, no matter what. I have my own reasons of why i wanna become a doctor, and they are all actually reasons to make me a better person.

But maybe somehow i'm starting to lose faith in myself that i can become a good one. I don't want to just become any other doctor. I don't want to become just a doctor, i want to become a good one. But reflecting myself nowadays, i don't think my effort of wanting to become is equal to my own expectations.

This is actually kinda the biggest fear for now. I am always very determined and sure what i want in life. But when i start doubting, that's when i'm scared. I'm my biggest enemy.

Scared of things i'm capable of doing, and scared of the things i'm not capable of doing.

Ya Allah, please guide me... Please keep me close to You and never let me lose my way....

My beloved BB hp ;(

Today i lost my BB hp =(

Clumsy me.

RIP, dear hp.

I have nothing much to say.

I actually have a lot to say.

But since it is not reversible, I think it is better to just let it be.

And let it go.

And dear sale assistants at the shop I went,

I hope you were being honest.

maybe, and just maybe....

sometimes i just wish i can read minds...

of course that's impossible..

and sometimes i don't know whether i should be feeling what i'm feeling..

i should stop giving myself hopes that are not reasonable..

and therefore i shall see what the future brings and remember that everything happens for a reason..

ad maybe what has happened is the best that could have ever happened to me.

yup.

that's why.

If you're truly a friend, u shouldn't be such a judgmental person.

Like who's perfect? Like who has never sinned before?

When i see someone who has obviously lost his/her way, i always remind myself to pray for them to be guided.

Not the other way around.

Not like, 'Ish ish ish... apa nak jadi lah budak zaman sekarang ni... buat tu, buat ni.. buruk betul perangai'. Hahaha...

I don't know. I just feel like , 'who are we to judge?'

maybe now we're still fortunate to be at a level we're confident with ourselves and knowing we're in the right path.(We do? =p) hehe..

But maybe one day we will be tested with even bigger problems and we fall and make mistakes?

And that would be the day that to find a comforting friend without being judgmental is all you need. And giving advice without being cynical and hypocrite.

Not someone who thinks they are good enough. And think that they will forever remain good (not that i think they will become bad, but when they don't think that what has happened to others would never happen to themselves?).Hmm...

We're tested everyday and i am thankful each day i don't make stupid mistakes. (Being me, i make mistakes super banyak, okay =p)

Hmmm... And yeah, it's a reminder to myself too =)

And because He loves us, that He tests us. Because we will then get closer to Him =).

"Yang dapat membolak-balikkan hati manusia itu adalah Allah.." =)

Random thoughts..

yup, i kinda had a break from my bloggie , again.

Shouldn't have given empty promises to my dear bloggie that I wouldn't abandon it.

Cos being the human i am, and the human we all are, we are forgetful. We are.

Especially me =p hehe..

there's so many things i wanna do right now.

i wanna play dress up , wanna do something new, and explore my creativity? =p hee..

i kinda explore my creativity ( i have? =p) with mix n match my clothes, cooking, and music.

blogs inspire me. sometimes in a good way, sometimes good (but can be quite in a wrong) way =p haha..

i think ppl should have known by now i like colourful stuff. and the day i wear all black would be the day that i wanna isolate myself, avoid myself from being seen by others and maybe just feeling of insecurities.

see? i express myself. even when i absolutely silent myself =p haha..

actually i dont really know what to talk about.there's nuthin really specific i want to talk about. too many little things i wanna say. and i think most of the time i just have a hard time battling with my own emotions. haha..

i should study smart and hard! looking at the rate im studying rite now, i think even the lizards on the ceiling are scared for me.

dear cicak cicak di ceiling, daku meminta maaf menyebabkan kamu mendapat heart attack dengan kemalasan diriku.

hehe...

but what i really really really wanna do now is cry.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa............................................

no, its not ok.

im not saying its ok by smiling to the world.its not ok that u can just forget about it. it's not. and when it's not ok, don't make wrong things sound true.

when it is wrong, it's wrong.

when it's done, it's done.

but even when it's done, it doesn't mean u should completely forget about it.

im just trying (reaaaaaalllly hard) to be wise.

that's why i'm keeping it aside.

aside.

not behind.

not behind so that i can forget about it.

but in the process of doing so,

u should learn as well,

not me,

not me alone.

ok? ok. now i can keep quiet.

i dont know what im talking about specifically.

but i kinda know, a bit,

ok, goodnite world.

my emotions are having so much fun by being emo.

dun wanna be.

the heart is worried.

yes, i have a brain.

but somehow i don't listen to it all the times.

sometimes my heart wants so much more.

and the brain loses its control.

then when the heart knows it's made a mistake, it keeps on running back to the brain for solutions.

but the brain is tired of being treated that way for so many many times.

the heart does anything it wants, and the brain has to monitor.

i hope i'll give more priority to the brain instead of the heart.

but the heart is very comforting at times too,

i'm scared if i shut the heart completely,

it will be empty.

yes, i thought i am simple minded enough.

but this just shows i'm not that simple anyway.

it can be complicated.

but it really is simple.

it should be.

Wondering. Hmm... Wondering Again. And Dreaming.

i miss this blog. it has been quite a long time since my last post. and usually i will blog when i am sad. hmmm.. don't really like that. if i turn to it when i am down, i should also turn to it when i feel happy.

maybe i have something else on my mind that makes my writing actually means a bit of sumthing else when writing it. hee... i sound confusing. aiyo.. hmm..

maybe there's sumthing i want to talk about, but i don't want to talk about it out loud. see how fussy i am? hee..

i miss some of my friends. i miss them. a lot.

but i am also super duper happy to be surrounded with my family during this hols!! yay!! i remember to be grateful =D yay! i dun wanna be a never ending complaining nana. nope. dun wanna be. so shall not be. hee...

although i know what's most important in this world, i still don't learn my lesson. i am still blind. once i think i am 1 step forward, i will kinda do things that brings my 1 step back again.

and i do it over and over again till i'm fed up with myself.sometimes.

but yes. hope is there. always there. i need more determination from myself. and guidance. yes, guidance....

but it really depends on me. no matter how much guidance i get, but i should be the one who is determined enough to improve myself.

yes.

yup.

yes.

InsyaAllah..

sometimes it just doesn't make sense

i've always looked up to u since i was young.

to me ure always perfect and i can always rely on u.

but now i'm always heart broken with the things u do.

u used to teach me to do the right things.

and u still do.

but now i question myself,

bout the things u do.

it doesn't seem like u're doing the right thing.

and i feel somehow alone in this journey.

u think i'm a grown up girl,

and u can start telling me about life,

but all those things u say bit by bit scrubbing away all those things u taught me,

and no,

i would rather consider myself not an adult,

if u think my age is appropriate for me to hear things that i don't want to,

and it hurts.

i keep it to myself,

everybody has their story,

u have urs, and i have mine,

i'm not saying my story is any greater than yours,

but i can see myself having 2 distinct memories of u,

and i am holding on to the old you.

and please,

i am not ready,

even if u think i am.

and i am no angel,

so please forgive me for all those things that might've hurt you,

but you should know,

that i love u,

it's just that i'm always caught in between,

and too scared to move on,

with the things u say, with the things u do,

and also with the things he says, and the things he does.

and sometimes it's really hard to tell,

what is right,

and what is not,

and i'm not here to judge,

so let only He judge.

and as for me,

i will always love you,

but please remember,

i'll always be your child.

homesick ;( i want the cure now! ;(

waaa.... now im back in jb after around 10 days of my raya hols ;( waaaaaaa..... i feel so sad.. i cant wait for friday! but before friday comes, i will have to go through a lot! ;(
waaaa..... i have pbl tomorrow, which i have not even started doing.. waaaa... i feel soooooooooooooooooo homesick! last night i was watching tv with my fmily around this time ;(
waaa... why did it pass by so quickly...;(

wish me luck for tmorow.
i miss my family ;(
i have so much to tell now but i guess i'll just have to wait till my emo-ness soothes.
owh, i bought blackberry curve for a reallly greaaattt dealll!!
ppl!! i want ur bb pins!! =DD
owh nope. im not dat happy yet. waaa.... wanna go homee!!
but i just read that being grateful is what excellent ppl do! so i shall become grateful! haiyak!
im grateful for everything You have given me ... You know what's best for me! athough now i may not see it, but i know You have ur own plans for me =)
Im grateful!! =D
Thank you Allah!
Now lemme finish up my PBL succuessfully. waaa.. i still feel a bit down.. although a bit better..hee

So many thoughts..

I have decided that I should keep my blog alive so that I would be able to recall some precious memories some day..
And also because i think writing makes me sane sometimes.
Just one of the ways for me to express myself =)

Firstly, I would like to think that I have become a bit matured at least, even by 0.001% =p haha.. I changed the layout and colour of this blog. Sorry for those people who had some difficulty reading my super colourful blog before. And I also have started thinking about my future in a more sensible way. I used to dream of my future too, it's kinda the same with my current dreams, just that I allow myself to give enough spaces to include some of the possibilities that might happen. I shall not say i'm becoming pessimistic, just maybe becoming a bit more sensible? Maybe because somehow I've learned that a lot of my disappointments mainly come from my own expectations. So, if I have expected some not-so-good events to happen, when it does happen, I would me more calm and relaxed? I hope so.

Secondly, even now my brain doesn't come out with weird random words and things that I used to think of last time. Looking back at my previous posts, there were chicken in one sentence, and cat and meow and purr and haiyak in the whole next sentence =p Maybe I have somehow shifted myself from a fairytale i created for myself to finally, the real world. I don't know whether it's good or bad. Or am i becoming a bit boring. I hope not. Let's just say this is part of me growing up.

Thirdly, I would like to list some of what Mr. Bf has mentioned about me so far =p :
1) I get grumpy when I'm sleepy and I get hyper when I'm happy =p (he always says that i react like a baby =p, which i will take as a compliment =p hahaha... at least im 'awet muda' rite? =p *perasan*)
2) I will talk non stop if I'm talking about something that I find interesting, or I would just mumble something that he can't even understand if I'm talking about something that i don't really like / not sure of =p
3) I'm very garang nowadays.. =( (im not sure is it bcos of the stress, or the unstable hormones, or im just getting meaner =( ) waa.... i think i realise this a bit as i become a lil impatient sometimes..*sigh*
4) I tend to scream on the phone if I wanna throw tantrums, and it hurts his ears =p he says that the pitch is too high and it is tiring to listen to them =p) hahaha..
5) He says he knows me very well.. (hmm.. not really actually =p hahaha.. i dont wanna be that predictable, boringla.. =p but i have to agree partially, since he knows me well after my twin and parents =) basically i always inform him when i don't feel so good or maybe when im too excited about something =p

i cant really remember what else.. but im very sure there's more..=p we've been together for almost 3 years +.. i can say that he has been a very understanding person, and he has never really been mad at me (as long as i can remember) =)..waa... i feel so guilty that i have merajuk with him for so many rillion times ;( i'm sorry, but it just so happens that emotions are a big part of me =p i will try my best to reduce the level of merajukness =D

ok, thats all for tonite..its 3.30 am in the morning =) i should get my sleep.hehe..

I AM BACK!! =D

i just realised i havent been blogging
and that's not good. the computer has always been my greates fan in listening to all my weird2 thoughts.
now i come back running to u, dear bloggie.
sorry sooo much i have abandoned u ;(
hehe..
guess what? i have some weird thoughts about myself.
even i scare myself off.
maybe u dont know what i mean.
but i dont know either.
and there has been a lot of things happening to me since i last blogged!
waa....so i dont know where to start.
i want to cry.
i dont even know how to blog now.
waaa............
i miss me.
if i even know what that means.
lately i have been trying to define myself.
and i think i have multiple personalities.
and that makes it even harder.
im confused, with some confusing statement.
bluek! waaaaaaaa.............nananananana!!! wake up!! waa..nananana!! i lurve u!!

We are always tested by Him..

I am me,
I am not perfect,
But I will never give up trying to improve myself,
No matter what happens I don't just give up easily,
Cos I know there's just so much more to life.

One door closes and another opens,
That's what I have learned,
Going through pain is not easy,
But in the end I will figure out myself that all those pain I endure will gain me something,

But now decisions have to be made,
And I wouldn't really be bothered so much if it involves me alone,
But this is for a lot more people whom I love ,
I need strength,
Yes I do,
And I know Allah is always with me.

=)

KITA BERTANYA: KENAPA AKU DIUJI?QURAN MENJAWAB
"Apakah manusia itu mengira bahawa mereka dibiarkan saja mengatakan,"Kami telah beriman."("I am full of faith to Allah")sedangkan mereka tidak diuji?Dan sesungguhnya Kami telah menguji org2 yg sebelum mereka, maka sesungguhnya Allah mengetahui org2 yg benar dan sesungguhnya Dia mengetahui org2 yg dusta."-Surah Al-Ankabut ayat 2-3

KITA BERTANYA: KENAPA AKU TAK DAPAT APA YG AKU IDAM-IDAMKAN?QURAN MENJAWAB
"Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi pula kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu, Allah mengetahui sedang kamu tidak mengetahui."-Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 216

KITA BERTANYA: KENAPA UJIAN SEBERAT INI?QURAN MENJAWAB"Allah tidak membebani seseorang itu melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya,"-Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 286

KITA BERTANYA: KENAPA RASA FRUST?QURAN MENJAWAB"
Jgnlah kamu bersikap lemah. dan jgnlah pula kamu bersedih hati,padahal kamulah org2 yg paling tinggi darjatnya, jika kamu org2 yg beriman."-Surah Al-Imran ayat 139

KITA BERTANYA: BAGAIMANA HARUS AKU MENGHADAPINYA?QURAN MENJAWAB
"Dan mintalah pertolongan (kepada Allah) dengan dengan jalan sabar dan mengerjakan sembhyang; dan sesungguhnya sembahyang itu amatlah berat kecuali kepada orang-orang yang khusyuk."-Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 45

KITA BERTANYA: APA YANG AKU DAPAT DARIPADA SEMUA INI?QURAN MENJAWAB
"Sesungguhnya Allah telah membeli dari org2 mu'min,diri,harta mereka dengan memberikan syurga untuk mereka... ?-Surah At-Taubat ayat 111

KITA BERTANYA: KEPADA SIAPA AKU BERHARAP?QURAN MENJAWAB
'Cukuplah Allah bagiku,tidak ada Tuhan selain dariNya. Hanya kepadaNya aku bertawakkal."-Surah At-Taubat ayat 129

KITA BERKATA: AKU TAK DAPAT TAHAN!!!!!!QURAN MENJAWAB"
......dan jgnlah kamu berputus asa dr rahmat Allah. Sesungguhnya tiada berputus asa dr rahmat Allah melainkan kaum yang kafir."-Surah Yusuf ayat 12

Seorang lelaki =) (from iluvislam.com)

Jadilah seorang lelaki yang beriman,
Yang hatinya disalut rasa taqwa kepada Allah,
Yang jiwanya penuh penghayatan terhadap Islam,
Yang sentiasa haus dengan ilmu,
Yang sentiasa dahaga akan pahala,
Yang solatnya adalah maruah dirinya,
Yang tidak pernah takut untuk berkata benar,
Yang tidak pernah gentar untuk melawan nafsu,
Yang sentiasa bersama kumpulan orang-orang yang berjuang di jalan Allah.

Jadilah seorang lelaki,
Yang menjaga tutur katanya,
Yang tidak bermegah dengan ilmu yang dimilikinya,
Yang tidak bermegah dengan harta dunia yang dicarinya,
Yang sentiasa berbuat kebajikan kerana sifatnya yang penyayang,
Yang mempunyai ramai kawan dan tidak mempunyai musuh yang bersifat jembalang.

Jadilah seorang lelaki,
Yang menghormati ibu bapanya,
Yang sentiasa berbakti kepada orang tua dan keluarga,
Yang bakal menjaga kerukunan rumahtangga,
Yang akan mendidik isteri dan anak-anak mendalami Islam,
Yang mengamalkan hidup penuh kesederhanaan,
Kerana dunia baginya adalah rumah sementara menuju akhirat.

Jadilah seorang lelaki,
Yang sentiasa bersedia untuk menjadi imam,
Yang hidup di bawah naungan al-Quran dan mencontohi sifat-sifat Rasulullah,
Yang boleh diajak berbincang dan berbicara,
Yang menjaga matanya dari berbelanja,
Yang sujudnya penuh kesyukuran dengan rahmat Allah ke atasnya.

Jadilah seorang lelaki,
Yang tidak pernah membazirkan masa,
Matanya kepenatan kerana membaca al- Quran,
Suaranya lesu kerana penat berzikir,
Tidurnya lena dengan cahaya keimanan,
Bangunnya Subuh penuh kecergasan,
Kerana sehari lagi usianya bertambah kematangan.

Jadilah seorang lelaki,
Yang sentiasa mengingati mati,
Yang baginya hidup di dunia adalah ladang akhirat,
Yang mana buah kehidupan itu perlu dibaja dan dijaga,
Agar berputik tunas yang bakal menjaga baka yang baik,
Meneruskan perjuangan Islam sebelum hari kemudian.

Jadilah seorang lelaki,
Yang tidak terpesona dengan buaian dunia,
Kerana dia mengimpikan syurga Allah.

Kemanisan Iman =)

Dari anas r.a. dari Rasulullah SAW sabdanya:

Ada 3 perkara, barangsiapa yang 3 perkara itu ada dalam dirinya,
maka orang itu dapat merasakan betapa manisnya iman:

1) Jikalau Allah dan Rasul lebih dicintai dari yang selain keduanya;

2) Jikalau seseorang itu mencintai orang lain dan tidak ada sebab kecintaannya itu melainkan kerana Allah;

3) dan jikalau seseorang itu benci untuk kembali kepada kefakiran setelah diselamatkan Allah dari kekafiran itu, sebagaimana bencinya ia kalau dilemparkan ke dalam api neraka.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rasulullah s.a.w bersabda yang bermaksud:”Bukankah aku telah memberitahu kamu semua tentang orang yang diharamkan masuk ke neraka atau orang yang diharamkan ke atasnya neraka?

Mereka ialah orang yang berdamping rapat dengan orang ramai (baik pergaulannya), hatinya tenang, berlemah lembut serta mudah dibawa berunding.”

Change...

People change,
Yes they do..
Infact we all change,
All the time,
But I just hope changes that I make is only for the better.

Sometimes my heart feels pain,
I feel hurt,
But that's part and parcel in life,
That I will have to bear wisely.

Infact, there's no lurve without sacrifices.

I seriously think the world needs more love.
And I think patience is somehow being undervalued.
As I've mentioned before,
I like smiling people,
I like cheerful people,
I like wise people,
I like patient people,
I like sparkling eyes,
But those eyes don't sparkle anymore.

I lurve Nazmi =)

Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Adha =)

'Daripada Zaid bin Arqam, dia berkata: Suatu hari sahabat Rasulullah s.a.w. bertanya: "Wahai Rasulullah, apakah yang ada pada korban itu?''
Jawab Rasulullah: "Ia adalah sunah bapa kamu, Ibrahim.''
Mereka berkata: "Apa yang akan kami peroleh daripadanya wahai Rasulullah?'' Rasulullah menjawab: "Bagi setiap helai rambut ada kebajikannya.''
Mereka berkata: "Bagaimana pula dengan bulunya wahai Rasulullah?''
Rasulullah s.a.w. menjawab: "Bagi setiap helai bulu ada kebajikannya.'' (Riwayat Ahmad, Ibnu Majah dan Tirmizi)'

Bulan Zulhijjah merupakan bulan yang tersimpan pelbagai pengajaran bagi seluruh umat Islam selain daripada bulan yang dijanjikan pelbagai nikmat dari sisiNya.
Maka tidak dapat lagi kita lari dari berbicara mengenai peristiwa pengorbanan Nabi Ibrahim dan Nabi Ismail yang membawa kepada apa yang dijadikan sebagai ibadat korban yang ditetapkan oleh Allah swt.
Allah swt telah menceritakan di dalam al-quran mengenai dua makhluk yang amat dekat di sisiNya ini yang bermaksud:'Maka ketika anaknya itu sampai (ke peringkat umur yang membolehkan dia) berusaha bersama-sama dengannya,
Nabi Ibrahim berkata: Wahai anak kesayanganku! Sesungguhnya aku melihat dalam mimpi bahawa aku akan menyembelihmu; maka fikirkanlah apa pendapatmu?.
Anaknya menjawab: Wahai ayah, jalankanlah apa yang diperintahkan kepadamu;
Insya Allah, ayah akan mendapati daku dari orang-orang yang sabar.Setelah keduanya berserah bulat-bulat (menjunjung perintah Allah itu) dan Nabi Ibrahim merebahkan anaknya dengan meletakkan iringan mukanya di atas tompok tanah, (Kami sifatkan Ibrahim dengan kesungguhan azamnya itu telah menjalankan perintah Kami),' (As-Saaffat:102-103)

Maha Suci Tuhan, menciptakan dua susuk tubuh yang amat akur pada perintah seorang Pencipta. Betapa sukarnya Nabi Ibrahim untuk bertemu semula dengan anaknya yang ditinggalkan sejak dari kecil,dan setelah bertemu diminta pula untuk dikorbankan.
Namun,cinta Allah lebih agung dari segalanya,disuarakan jua riwayat mimpi kepada si anak kecil yang masih belum kenal pada dunia, tetapi telah mengenal erti cinta.
Cinta seorang hamba kepada Tuannya.
Dua susuk tubuh ini sama-sama IKHLAS berKORBAN demi CINTA kepada Allah swt.
Betapa lemahnya langkah Nabi Ibrahim ketika itu kerana tahu nasib yang akan menimpa Nabi Ismail,anak kesayangannya.
Dan Allah swt tidak pernah lekang walau sesaat menghitung rintih hiba hambaNya ini,apatah lagi untuk menzalimi hambanya yang beriman yang akhirnya DIA mengurniakan rahmatNya:'Dan Kami tebus anaknya itu dengan seekor binatang sembelihan yang besar;Dan Kami kekalkan baginya (nama yang harum) dalam kalangan orang-orang yang datang kemudian: ' (As-Saaffat:107-108)

Sahabat,ini merupakan kekasih Allah yang diuji sebegini rupa, bagaimana pula dengan diri kita? Cubaan dan dugaan yang dihadapi setiap hari kehidupan tidak ternilai berbanding mereka.
Namun masih kita mudah berkeluh kesah dan lupa akan nikmat pemberianNya. Layakkah kita ke syurga berbekalkan mahar yang dibawa?
Cinta Nabi Ibrahim kepada Sang Pencipta mengorbankan si anak yang sangat dikasihinya,
Cinta Nabi Ismail menundukkan jiwa seorang bapa untuk redha pada ketentuan dariNya,
Bagaimana pula dengan cinta kita?
Mampukah kita mengorbankan segala harta dan masa
Apatah lagi jika yang menjadi taruhan adalah nyawa
Sungguh, kita umat akhir zaman yang lalai dengan dunia
Sehingga lupa kepada cinta kepada Pencipta
Masa dibazirkan dengan berhibur dan duduk bersahaja
Harta menjadi aset untuk berlumba siapa yang lagi kaya
Bila ditanya bila nak bertaubat,jawabnya bersahaja
Tunggu nanti bila meningkat tua
Sia-sia lah separuh usia amanah dari Yang Esa.
Marilah sama-sama kita bermuhasabah, telah cukupkah pengorbanan kita kepada agama ini sepertimana pengorbanan Nabi Ibrahim dan Nabi Ismail,
kerana sejarah telah membuktikan, tiada cinta tanpa pengorbanan!

Title: tiada Cinta Tanpa Pengorbanan (iluvislam.com)

=)

Takutlah kamu semua kepada Allah, mengenai wanita (isteri) kerana kamu telah mengambil mereka dengan amanah Allah [Hadith riwayat Muslim]

found at yussamir.com =D

Paradigma:Allah dan analogi (found at yussamir.com) =D

“Kenapa Allah tidak menunjukkan diri-Nya sendiri kepada kita?
Selain itu, jika Dia Maha Berkuasa, sudah pasti Dia boleh buat apa sahaja.
Paling mudah Dia boleh angkat sebiji batu kemudian tunjukkan kepada kita.” Tanya Kassiah.
Saya mengambil sebatang pen, kemudian menyerahkannya kepada Kassiah. “Ambil ini, jawapannya ada di sini.”
“Er.. Jangan main-main.”“Siapa kata nak main-main.” Kassiah memusing-musingkan pen berwarna merah di tangannya.
“Cuba kau terangkan pada aku.” Suara Kassiah agak tegang.
“Jangan marah.” Saya mengambil pen tadi kemudian senyum kepadanya.
“Persoalan kau ada dua jawapan yang boleh aku beri.
Pertama berkenaan dengan mengapa Allah tidak menunjukkan diri-Nya kepada kita.
Sebelum kau sudah ada orang yang tanyakan hal ini.
Malahan pertanyaan orang ini dijawab sendiri oleh Allah.”
Kassiah memandang hairan.

“Orang tersebut ialah Nabi Musa. Dalam surah al-A’araf ayat 143 Allah berfirman,
“Dan tatkala Musa datang untuk (munajat dengan Kami) pada waktu yang telah Kami tentukan dan Tuhan telah berfirman (langsung) kepadanya, berkatalah Musa: "Ya Tuhanku, nampakkanlah (diri Engkau) kepadaku agar aku dapat melihat kepada Engkau."
Tuhan berfirman: "Kamu sekali-kali tidak sanggup melihat-Ku, tapi lihatlah ke bukit itu, maka jika ia tetap di tempatnya (sebagai sediakala) niscaya kamu dapat melihat-Ku.
" Tatkala Tuhannya menampakkan diri kepada gunung itu[565], dijadikannya gunung itu hancur luluh dan Musa pun jatuh pingsan.
Maka setelah Musa sadar kembali, dia berkata: "Maha Suci Engkau, aku bertaubat kepada Engkau dan aku orang yang pertama-tama beriman.

”“Untuk lebih kau faham, aku bagi kau satu analogi.
Bayangkan aku yang cipta pen merah ini. Kemudian, bila pen ini sudah siap, bolehkah pen ini melihat aku?” Tanya saya.
“Memang takkan nampak.”
“Betul, sebab aku cipta pen itu tanpa deria yang boleh melihat aku sebagai penciptanya.
Begitu jugalah dengan Allah, Dia menciptakan kita tanpa deria yang membolehkan kita melihat-Nya.
Allah boleh melihat kita, tetapi kita dan sekelian ciptaan-Nya tidak akan dapat melihat-Nya.” Kassiah mengangguk-angguk tanda setuju.

“Untuk persoalan kedua pula?” Tanya Kassiah
“Untuk persoalan kedua, aku suka bagi analogi “Manager dan Cleaner”.
Bayangkanlah kau seorang Manager di sebuah syarikat.
Semasa kau masuk ke bilik air syarikat, punyalah terkejut, bilik air sangat kotor.
Dalam masa yang sama ada seorang cleaner sedang melepak. Adakah kau akan membersihkan tandas itu atau cleaner tersebut?”
“Mestilah aku akan suruh cleaner tersebut.”“kenapa pula?” Saya provokasi.
“Sebab takkanlah aku pula yang kena basuh bilik air itu, sedangkan cleaner ada.”
“Tapi kau mampu buat kan?”
“Memanglah mampu, tapi itu bukan kerja aku dan tak layaklah aku sebagai manager kena buat kerja cleaner.”
“Ha.. Macam itulah Allah.

Dia mampu untuk melakukan segalanya tanpa ada sebarang halangan.
Tetapi untuk mengangkat batu dan menunjukkan kepada para hamba-Nya bukanlah sesuatu yang layak dan patut untuk Allah lakukan.
Kerana dia Maha Agung, dan Maha Berkuasa.
”Terang saya pada Kassiah.

Bagi saya modal analogi yang kena dengan logik, lagi memudahkan seseorang itu memahami dan menerima sesuatu jawapan.
Memahami konsep ketuhanan dan kekuasaan-Nya bukanlah sesuatu yang sukar dan memeningkan.
Keimanan kepada Islam bukanlah sebuah keyakinan yang membabi buta tanpa jawapan yang releven dan logik.
Islam sentiasa menyediakan setiap persoalan yang bermain di kepada manusia.
Maha Suci Allah yang menciptakan segalanya.

“Katakanlah: "Segala puji bagi Allah, Dia akan memperlihatkan kepadamu tanda-tanda kebesaran-Nya, maka kamu akan mengetahuinya. Dan Tuhanmu tiada lalai dari apa yang kamu kerjakan.” (Surah an-Naml 27:93)

Meaningful =) found this at iluvislam.com =D

Adakalanya....
Hari yang panas dan ceria
Bertukar mendung seketika
Mentari merangkak pergi
Gumpalan awan bertandang sisi
Hati gundah
Tercari-cari
ke Mana perginya mentari yang dinanti
Begitulah hidup...

Di saat kau selesa dengan kehidupan
tiba-tiba kau diuji dengan kehilangan
kehilangan nikmat harta
kehilangan nikmat ilmu
kehilangan nikmat rakan dan keluarga
dan kau meratapinya....

Bila kau memandang segalanya dari Tuhanmu...
Yang menciptakan segalanya
yang menimpakan ujian
yang menjadikan sakit hatimu
yang membuatkan keinginanmu terhalang
serta menyusahkan hidupmu
pasti akan damailah hatimu kerna...
takkan Allah sengaja mentakdirkan segalanya untuk sesuatu yang sia-sia
Bukan Allah tak tahu derita hidupmu...
retaknya hatimu
sengsaranya sukmamu

Mungkin itulah yang Dia mahukan
kerna Dia tahu
Hati yang sebeginilah
selalunya lebih lunak dan mudah untuk DEKAT dan AKRAB dengan-Nya
Saat hujan turun membasahi hatimu
kau menangis
kerna merasa beratnya ujian tidak tergalas
~SenYumLaH~

kerna Allah mendatangkan kepadamu pelangi nan indah selapas hujan sirna kelamnya'
Allah tidak membebani seseorang melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya.
Ia mendapat pahala (dari kebajikan) dan ia mendapat siksa (dari kejahatan) yang dikerjakannya'
(Al-Baqarah:284)

My exam ended today! =D

ok, my exam was... hurm... was an exam. hehe..i wanna have clear pass for all those papers! i do! i really dooo!!! and the osce too!! now all I can do is to pray to Allah =)

and this means.... my dress up mode is activated! and i have plans to be creatttiiivvveee too! just wait and see.. im planning to make dresses myself using floral fabric, laces and ribbons! =D
how wonderful is that? just wait and see. im excited! sooo excited! later im going to the shop and start hunting for those super sweet facric like candy =p, lots of pink shades of laces and ribbons =D ok well, i will give some space for other colours to join in too=p

i lurve lurve to explore my creativity =D i think i have quite exposed my eyes to alot of human body parts and organs pics these past few days.. now im gonna let my eyes to be pampered with floral, lacey, ribbony? =p stuff.. yay yay yay!

to all my friends out there, just to let u know, i lurve youuuuu =D
if u see any cat meow-ing, just imagine that's me saying hello =p

we don't get to see the light often.and when we do,appreciate it.

I dont wanna be a kind of person who only really think of Him when I have problems .
I dont want to only think of Him when Im down.
I want to always think of Him.
I want to thank Him first whenever I feel joy.
I want to always think of Him first when I wake up in the morning.
I want to think of him first before I close my eyes at night to sleep.

I need to improve my self, A lot.
It's not often to be able to feel how great He is just by looking how wonderful the sky is, how peaceful it feels when it rains...
And how He helps me in times when I need most.
But I make a lot of mistakes.
Over and over.
Again and again.
But I just hope I will always have His guidance.
Every time.
Every moment,
In my life.

*God would give test to His slaves that He loves*

I found the sentence above and I feel somehow relieved =)

dum dum dum

okay, here i am.. in the library, on friday evening. it's quite empty u noe?
i am supposed to study!! but look at me.. wastingmyown sweet time.
owh nana nana nana... please start changing urself into a real angel.
as u can see, i dont really play dress up nowadays. waaaaa...
im sure there's a reason for everything that happens =)
i may have lead my differently, worse?better? if i was destined to be at another place..
u noe that kinda feeling?
but then i do think i belong to where i belong,
every stage of our life there will be challenges and difficulties,
so that we'll grow up and become wiser,
i like wise people,
i like cheerful people,
i like people who appreciate for every small thing they have,
i like people with sparkling eyes,
haha.. u know, that kind of eyes that kinda spark =p
well, it's subjective..some people may see the spark, and some don't,
haha.. i hope i do have some type of sparkling eyes eventho i have sepet eyes =p

i can do it! i can do it! i can do it!
i am nanananananana!!!!
i keep on meow-ing and purr-ing eventho the world ROARs at me =P
yeap, im that girl!
haha=p

nak nangessss ;(

saya rasa sangat sedih ;(
saya rasa nak nangesss ;(
saya rasa mcm lonely, eventho macam tak ;(
saya sebenarnya selalu takut2, ;(
saya takut kat bende yang orang lain macam tak tau pon yang saya sebenarnye takowt ;(
sebenarnye saya memang selalu takowt ;(
saya bukan seorang yang kuat sebenarnye ;(
..........

I guess the inner me who always keeps me going is my childishness =)

being me, i noe that im not always serious,
that i cannot survive without thinking that 'it's no big deal, i can do it!',
hee... but then again, some things in life are quite complex and those are the things that make me really think using my brain =p lol..
i'm always amazed by something that sometimes others dont regard them as amazing enough..haha..
i like art, i mean like craft, cooking and drawing butterflies..lol..
owh owh owh, i super lurve flowers!! i think flowers are very delicate, and they only bloom if they are healthy enough(like enough water, sunlight n others), and they are colourful,
they are like the moon and stars in the sky at night,
i wanna be like flowers, like stars n moon, and butterflies..
like a burning candle in the midst of darkness,
i want to be that light =)

i just can't think straight when there's so much things to do =<

ok, lemme list a few eeww things im doing currently

i am skipping the 1 hour lecture cos i wanna prepare for my anatomy practical.. hoping i can finish it and go at 3 oclock for the practical..
then, i realised... i neeedd soooo muchhhh morrreee timeeeee to actually understand what the book is sayingggggggggggggggg.......
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa......................... i dont understand a thing!!!
i refuse to do anything.
i want to sit here.
and do nothing.
let's see whether i'm turning into an angel or a devil in these few seconds.
i have no mood to do anything.
i need more time.
i mean it.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....................

pls pls pls lemme become a responsible student ;(
i dont know why but i just feel like running awaaayyyy when i feel suffocateddddddddd...
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.......

bla bla bla

i like jiwang songs.
i like songs that can make u reflect on what happened in the past, all those sweet and happy memories.
i dont like songs that will make me feel like banging my head on the wall, like those hard metal songs and such..hehe...its just my preference..not against those kinda songs.
but those jiwang or emo kinda songs are not easy to find, and i have not been singing for such a looong time.
hmm.. i should sing.
at least i noe im still chirping like a free flying bird.
lol.
im weird.
like u didnt noe.
bluek!

overshadowed

they are not small things. every small thing can make a difference. it may seem small, but still shudnt be forgotten. and its not a small thing in the first place. maybe they're just cathegorised under the 'small things' . it takes courage to accept things that you dont think you can. and sometimes, we just know even without being told about it.

and i hate histology.

Alhamdulillah.. =)

I am happy that I always have His guide whenever I'm starting to forget to get close to Him =)

broken

if it's equal, then how special am i to u?

Im backkkkkkkkk.....

It's odd, but i usually think of my blog only when i dont feel so good.haha.. my past few weeks were great cos i had to spend them with my lurvely twin, jaju... i had a lot of pics taken with her..haha...hmm...talking about my current feelings..somehow when ure soo attached to sumthin, it tends to affect u more..such as... erm.. if u dont rili care of that sumthin, u wudnt rili feel hurt rite? cos u dont rili bother about it to begin with..but when u actually care about it, it kinda hurts u alot rite? hmm.. i dont know.. its just my opinion. lol.

sometimes i wonder weder im too sensitive or emo to be sad about sumthin.. but then again, maybe u are.. or maybe ure not.. i mean.. maybe it IS normal to feel that way.. sometimes people just think differently.. and if those differences are being used in a good way, it could unite them..or break them apart ,otherwise...lol.. Im kinda confused and my brain is kinda cloudy and im starting not to understand about everything. So i guess i'd better shut up.

Here are some pics with my twin:

i don't get it

why is it so hard for me to detach myself from the stuff that can only hurt me, that i shudnt even bother to think about?
why does it take a whole lot more to convince me nowadays?
why do i have so many doubts about it?
why do i find things which were fine before, but becoming odd and weird nowadays?
why do i feel i dont understand about it enough yet to conclude anything out of it yet?
why do i feel this way?
things dont become as how they are overnight. it takes a whole lot more time.

is the situation really changing? or is it me that is changing?

dress upp again! =D

I'm all up to play dress up again! =D wohoo.. hmm.. hols are great, but with the presence of some people that u have soo much fun with, will be even more FUN! hehe.. my twin sis coming back on friday morning. =) lurve jaja! my nazmi coming back in august, but my hols will end by then =( hehe.. i have made a promis eto myself to stop shopping for the holiday! if i can achieve that, i am sooooo proud of myself =D i need to start saving money...aiyo.. =) to all the people out there, smile!!! eventho im a bit grumpy these past few days.hehe.. but shhmmmiillleee!! =D

i try to deny it, over and over and over again

no, its normal for me to feel this way. dont tell me i think too much whatsoever. i deserve to feel what i feel.

Lurve =)

I lurve my boyfriend =D
hehehe.. what's with this post, eh? just wanna have a few posts that says i lurrrvvvee him =D hehe... Thank you for all the times you were listening to my ramblings, my sleepy moments where nuthin i say makes any sense =p, for listening to my problems ( i always report to u for every single thing that makes me feel sad=p) aiyo.., haha.. and for always putting up a smile on my face =) , play a lullaby for me =D, and help me a lot in my PCL =D, and always always ask me to study =D, and for reminding me to do some of the right things in life, for tolerating with all my flaws,and thank you for just being there for me =) i lap uuuu!!!! =D

cant wait for u to be back in august =)

from,
ur beloved chipmunk-ish batman-ish teletubby =D

nak nangesssss ;(

just to be more dramatic, i feel like cryingggg ;( waaaaaaaaaaaaa.....................

What's happening to meeeeee??? ;(

i feel so eeewww.... I need to be more responsible and study properly. I need to plan my time wisely. I have been hiding A LOT! waaa.... I need to overcome my shopping addiction. And when my schedule is tight, u noe wat i do? I do NOTHING. yup, nothing! i should be working harder, instead i do nothing. I have no idea why this week has been so stressful! there's just like so many things to do, but instead of working hardddd.... im just running away from the things i should be doing. waaaa.... whats happening to me.??? holidays, pls come fast. cos im going insaneee.... i need a BREAK from all these. i need to reset my priorities and get myself focused, AGAIN. As i am aware i have lost focus. What am i doing with this little brain of mine??? waaa... i dont knowww... it's CONFUSING!

=( i feel like a little kitten lost out of nowhere. and the world is moving so fast. And i am stuck there, at that corner. ;( waaaa...... sometimes i just wish i can suddenly faint and get through that day.

=)

•When you are tired and discouragedfrom fruitless efforts... ALLAH knowshow hard you have tried..
• When you've cried so long and your heart is in anguish... ALLAH has countedyour tears.
• If you feel that your life is on holdand time has passed you by... ALLAH iswaiting with you.
• When you're lonely and your friends are too busy even for a phone call..ALLAH is by your side.
• When you think you've tried everything and don't know where to turn... ALLAH has a solution.
• When nothing makes sense and you are confused or frustrated... ALLAH has theanswer.
• If suddenly your outlook is brighter and you find traces of hope ... ALLAH has whispered to you.
• When things are going well and you have much to be thankful for... ALLAH has blessed you.
• When something joyful happens and you are filled with awe... ALLAH has smiled upon you.
• When you have a purpose to fulfill anda dream to follow... ALLAH has opened your eyes and called you by name.
Remember that wherever you are or whatever you are facing... ALLAH KNOWS(^__^)

polka DOTs! vain vain vain.. =p

I feel like a princess wearing this dress =p heee... =p weekend is greaattt for playing dress up! =p i cant help it!!! waaaaa... i have tonnnness of stuff to study ;( waaaaaaaaaaaaaa......can i just have a photographic memory? =p hee..that would be fun!! but I am blessed with a lot of things =D i should appreciate them and stop whining.okay, tape my mouth! =p lurvvvvveeeeeeeee!!!

dressing up a kitty cat! =p

Same top, but different mood of colours in both sets of outfit combination =p I lurvvvveee to play dress up! =p

no lurve for negative thoughts,pimples, melted plastic container and homeworks

that just kinda summed up what i have in mind.
and just for a second just now, i thought if i had not controlled myself, i would be INSANE.
it's like the threshold thingy, limited myself to bcome annoyed at sumthin or anythin just below the threshold level. If i crossed that level, i wouldnt be writing this. Instead i will go hysterical.
LOL. it's amazing of how 'eewww' i have become in these attempts of improving myself ALOT.
I seriously think im not in a goood mental health state. Should avoid me. As the monster within is on the surface. BEWARE. Bluekkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!hhahahha.....and now im laughing. now i seriously am insane.

Think =)

"Kadang² Allah sembunyikan matahari..
Dia datangkan petir dan kilat..
Kita menangis dan tertanya-tanya,kemana hilangnya sinar..
Rupa²nya..Allah nak hadiahkan kita pelangi.."

Back In Action =D Dress UP! hee... =p

hehe.. I look so colourful! =D i cannot live without colour =p hehe... do i loo like a walking colourful jungle?waaa.. =p playing dress up is fun!! lalala... lurve u ppl all around the world!!hee..

feeling blueeeee or blacccckkkkk or greyyyy

i have been sooo lazy! waa... i have no idea whats wrong with my brain ;( and i am soooo sure my anatomy of the head is zero cos i havent really been studying it properly ;( i wanna go away..far far away.. and today is FRIDAY. the day which i have PCL!!! waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..... dun wannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.... i wanna run sumwhere, and hide.. so nobody can find me and escapeee...yayyyyy!! i have a hiding place, u noe.. which i wont tell u ppl..heehehehehe... but then again, when i escape from it, it just gets bigger and bigger and i cant afford to escape anymore..waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... i want my jaja! i want my nazmi! i want my cat! i want to have no homework, no assignment! i wanna sleeepp 8 hours a day ;( Bluekkkkkkk
OMg i sound like a spoiled brat.hurm.... dun care. BLUEK!

Turning over a new leaf =)

Im wearing 'tudung' now! hee... What do you think? =) I just hope I will become an improved me and a better Muslim =) hee.. Pray for me! =p

Ps: I can only upload this pic! OMG! i cant upload other pics with my new dress =( waa.. whats happening to my blogspot? wuaaaaa... ;(