Owh dear heart, why do u have to be so fragile?

Some words are just too hurtful until i can feel my heart is being cut into pieces.

I didn't know those words are so strong.

Maybe I just don't expect that coming from a person whom I think I know enough.

Therefore I shall protect my heart much harder.

Dear heart, sorry for making you cry.

Dreams. For now... =)

Tonight is the night I blog without feeling sad. This rarely happens and I am grateful today I'm happy =)

I may have my ups and downs and at times I just feel like giving up, but I don't. Yay! =D

It's not easy to give up, u know =D You'll realise the love u have for ur dreams are much more precious and should not be shattered just because u feel... -weak-.

I would not want myself to fall just because I don't do enough, and try hard enough.

Nope, i do not want to.

And most of the time, at the weakest point in my life, I will still do what I'm supposed to do. Even though not really satisfactory =p and then tawakkal.

And most of the times, it turns out to be ok =) Alhamdulillah.

I lurve dunya, and what it has to offer... but I would remind myself that dunya is temporary.

We are being tested. We are given hardships. Everyday =)

And with that, I hope my iman would also be strengthened.

One of the best things I've done in life was to start wearing hijab, 2 years ago =)

And since then, I've had moments when I felt really strong, and also really weak.

It is when I seek for Him, I become stronger... And when I let the dunya to take over, that's the time when I feel weak.

I feel like my writing is all over the place tonite =p I just hope i would understand what I'm writing now, when i read it again in the future.

I'm a human, u know.

I need reminders.

=)

i like his writings =) : http://www.yussamir.com/2010/02/marilah-kita-bermimpi.html

So, dream people!! And dream big!! =D

=(

That's it!!

Nak nangesss!! ;(

I just realized the heart is dangerous. Sometimes i don't know why the heart has to be so confusing at times. It's a mystery that I can never tell. Not now. I hope will realize what I should realize before it is too late.

Maybe u know me. Or maybe u don't know me at all.

i miss me ;(

i feel so dumb nowadays =( i think i have transient blurness where i really am being so blur!!

eg: i accidentally registered in my brain there are 24 months in a year. Thus resulting me presenting my patient's case during bedside as 'my patient is 1 year and 23 months'. Errrr... like, OMG! i think others who heard would so reasonably think, 'WTH?' ;(

makes me wanna cry even more. i don't know what's wrong with me =( whuaaa... maybe at first it sounds funny. but after some time i'm actually worried =(

Seriously, i have never questioned myself 'why do i want to become a doctor' before. But lately this question suddenly popped into my head. And it's weird because being a doctor is the only ambition i have since i was little. Even when i applied for scholarship i only put 1 option although i could have listed a lot of other courses. And i have always wanted to become a doc, no matter what. I have my own reasons of why i wanna become a doctor, and they are all actually reasons to make me a better person.

But maybe somehow i'm starting to lose faith in myself that i can become a good one. I don't want to just become any other doctor. I don't want to become just a doctor, i want to become a good one. But reflecting myself nowadays, i don't think my effort of wanting to become is equal to my own expectations.

This is actually kinda the biggest fear for now. I am always very determined and sure what i want in life. But when i start doubting, that's when i'm scared. I'm my biggest enemy.

Scared of things i'm capable of doing, and scared of the things i'm not capable of doing.

Ya Allah, please guide me... Please keep me close to You and never let me lose my way....

My beloved BB hp ;(

Today i lost my BB hp =(

Clumsy me.

RIP, dear hp.

I have nothing much to say.

I actually have a lot to say.

But since it is not reversible, I think it is better to just let it be.

And let it go.

And dear sale assistants at the shop I went,

I hope you were being honest.

maybe, and just maybe....

sometimes i just wish i can read minds...

of course that's impossible..

and sometimes i don't know whether i should be feeling what i'm feeling..

i should stop giving myself hopes that are not reasonable..

and therefore i shall see what the future brings and remember that everything happens for a reason..

ad maybe what has happened is the best that could have ever happened to me.

yup.

that's why.

If you're truly a friend, u shouldn't be such a judgmental person.

Like who's perfect? Like who has never sinned before?

When i see someone who has obviously lost his/her way, i always remind myself to pray for them to be guided.

Not the other way around.

Not like, 'Ish ish ish... apa nak jadi lah budak zaman sekarang ni... buat tu, buat ni.. buruk betul perangai'. Hahaha...

I don't know. I just feel like , 'who are we to judge?'

maybe now we're still fortunate to be at a level we're confident with ourselves and knowing we're in the right path.(We do? =p) hehe..

But maybe one day we will be tested with even bigger problems and we fall and make mistakes?

And that would be the day that to find a comforting friend without being judgmental is all you need. And giving advice without being cynical and hypocrite.

Not someone who thinks they are good enough. And think that they will forever remain good (not that i think they will become bad, but when they don't think that what has happened to others would never happen to themselves?).Hmm...

We're tested everyday and i am thankful each day i don't make stupid mistakes. (Being me, i make mistakes super banyak, okay =p)

Hmmm... And yeah, it's a reminder to myself too =)

And because He loves us, that He tests us. Because we will then get closer to Him =).

"Yang dapat membolak-balikkan hati manusia itu adalah Allah.." =)

Random thoughts..

yup, i kinda had a break from my bloggie , again.

Shouldn't have given empty promises to my dear bloggie that I wouldn't abandon it.

Cos being the human i am, and the human we all are, we are forgetful. We are.

Especially me =p hehe..

there's so many things i wanna do right now.

i wanna play dress up , wanna do something new, and explore my creativity? =p hee..

i kinda explore my creativity ( i have? =p) with mix n match my clothes, cooking, and music.

blogs inspire me. sometimes in a good way, sometimes good (but can be quite in a wrong) way =p haha..

i think ppl should have known by now i like colourful stuff. and the day i wear all black would be the day that i wanna isolate myself, avoid myself from being seen by others and maybe just feeling of insecurities.

see? i express myself. even when i absolutely silent myself =p haha..

actually i dont really know what to talk about.there's nuthin really specific i want to talk about. too many little things i wanna say. and i think most of the time i just have a hard time battling with my own emotions. haha..

i should study smart and hard! looking at the rate im studying rite now, i think even the lizards on the ceiling are scared for me.

dear cicak cicak di ceiling, daku meminta maaf menyebabkan kamu mendapat heart attack dengan kemalasan diriku.

hehe...

but what i really really really wanna do now is cry.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa............................................

no, its not ok.

im not saying its ok by smiling to the world.its not ok that u can just forget about it. it's not. and when it's not ok, don't make wrong things sound true.

when it is wrong, it's wrong.

when it's done, it's done.

but even when it's done, it doesn't mean u should completely forget about it.

im just trying (reaaaaaalllly hard) to be wise.

that's why i'm keeping it aside.

aside.

not behind.

not behind so that i can forget about it.

but in the process of doing so,

u should learn as well,

not me,

not me alone.

ok? ok. now i can keep quiet.

i dont know what im talking about specifically.

but i kinda know, a bit,

ok, goodnite world.

my emotions are having so much fun by being emo.

dun wanna be.

the heart is worried.

yes, i have a brain.

but somehow i don't listen to it all the times.

sometimes my heart wants so much more.

and the brain loses its control.

then when the heart knows it's made a mistake, it keeps on running back to the brain for solutions.

but the brain is tired of being treated that way for so many many times.

the heart does anything it wants, and the brain has to monitor.

i hope i'll give more priority to the brain instead of the heart.

but the heart is very comforting at times too,

i'm scared if i shut the heart completely,

it will be empty.

yes, i thought i am simple minded enough.

but this just shows i'm not that simple anyway.

it can be complicated.

but it really is simple.

it should be.